Getting a grip

I had a bad week. Or in my mind I had a bad week. The week after we had that little bbq with the friends, I gained 0.3 Kg despite having gone to the gym and working hard there. Now...I would like to tell myself that it's finally muscle kicking in after having gone to the gym the last couple of months, and I suppose it could be...but my self-esteem did take a big blow.

So, whilst the week before last I clocked in at 77.4, this week I registered a 77.7. Dennis also hasn't been well this week and the weather has followed suit, and I went to my friend's place on the Wednesday...pretty much any excuse to not have gone to the gym, I can make. But I have tried to make up for that by walking...I think I should walk today too, but I dunno, sometimes it's just hard to get motivated. The rain just makes me kinda down and walking alone is no fun too! But having weighed myself I'm at least lower than the 77.4 from the week before, so we have at least lost weight this week and not gained it.

I have developed this obsession with checking my weight every time I go into the bathroom, I believe it's becoming unhealthy. So, I've moved the scale into the bedroom so I can't see it all the time! I read somewhere that if you are trying to lose weight you should really only check it once a month, and weekly if you are working at maintaining. But if I want to keep a tight reign on how I'm doing, I try to do it as often as I can...but then I feel like I'm becoming too fixated on numbers and it may be negatively impacting my eating habits. Like I won't drink so much water because I know when I weigh myself again it will be higher if I'm filled with water. That's a bad way to think. Drinking water helps you lose weight. So, I'm having to constantly make a mental note to drink more.

I've been trying to motivate myself somewhat by leaving reminders for me on the fridge. I found a website where you can upload a picture of yourself and for free, they will take that picture and alter it to what you want to be as your ideal weight. They will do it only if your BMI is over a certain level and you must be a member of facebook to view your picture. I uploaded a picture on to WeightView and the picture of the thinner me, whilst you could tell it was altered, probably does give a fairly close representation of what I would look like. I printed a "before and after" page with a place for a post-it note indicating how many weeks till my Hong Kong/Philippines trip I have left...the time I want to reach my second goal size. I also put a reminder on my fridge to drink more water...

Entertaining...the good and the bad

So, yesterday the Mr. and I invaded his mother's house whilst they were away to abuse their BBQ, washing machine and sauna. We invited a couple of his friends over for dinner. I was absolutely thrilled about this as it gave me the excuse to cook up a storm. (Okay, by Filipino standards it was probably a heavy rainfall, but for Sweden, it was more food than the average evening.)

The day before I prepped the food. With the various dishes, I tried to add ingredients that would make them a bit healthier. For example, I baked whole wheat bread and added wheat germ, sunflower and pumpkin seeds in it. I made potato salad with low fat creme fraiche rather than mayonaise. I put spelt flour in my berry cobbler. In our burgers I put Fibrex in it to help increase the fibre and added sunflower seeds. Unfortunately some things weren't so healthy, like the carmalized onion and turkey tartlets made with ready-made butter pastry casings... The picture is of my partner's burger...he decided that it would be a good idea to have the chicken and the hamburger together...I wish I could do that...he can eat everything and not gain any weight!

There were only four of us, but there was quite a bit of food...and that's the thing, when you entertain, you get carried away with how much food that you need to make to ensure that everyoen is satisfied that you forget that you need to watch your portions. I tried to rectify that by cutting my burger in half and saving it for lunch today and by only eating part of a chicken breast (which tasted so good, I wish that I had more...). I also only ate a fraction of the cobbler. Luckily for me, the three men that were there could eat enough so none of the food went to waste. I was so afraid of weighing myself today, but it looked like I managed to keep the weight at bay. I didn't gain anything from what I could see.

Today Dennis and I walked for about an hour in total having taken three separate walks. My goal now that it's summer, is to walk at least 30 minutes a day with him in addition to possibly catching the bus in the centre of town in the morning (a 20-22 min walk) and going to the gym 2-3 times a week. I get the Biggest Loser newsletters by e-mail and read that you should aim to built to 200-300 minutes of cardio a week (This exercise can take many forms, from swimming to trampoline jumping, from cycling to wrestling, etc. Other online cardio programs are available, including Tempo Training and Interval Training, both of which allow you to choose the level that is appropriate for your fitness level.) I think if I keep to my 30 minute a day goal this should be easily attainable.

Not too bad.

So, today I weighed myself and I am 78.9 Kg. Progress. I would have been smaller had I not given in to the cookies and paj last week! But alas, it's still almost 1 Kg despite my indiscretions.

Yesterday I was pretty good. I walked to the centre of Smedjebacken with a pretty brisk pace, went to the gym and still went for another 20 minute walk after dinner with the Mr. I hit a bit of a wall last week with regards to motivation...I don't know, I just found it difficult to actually get myself going to the gym. But, the glorious weather on the weekend lured me outside to take a number of walks. Dennis and I went walking 3 times on Sunday! I'm hoping to take more walks during the summer.

I had a talk on the phone with a good friend of mine. She is trying to live a healthier lifestyle and it was really great just talking about what we can do to improve our eating etc. It's great to have a sounding board and talk to someone that is struggling with the same things. We're going to try to become more accountable to each other so that we can keep each other motivated. It's hard, but at least I know I'm not alone!

Getting better

So, I felt horrible the other day when I had 4 (or maybe 5 I can't remember :O) cookies. They were sugar cookies with lots of butter, dipped in chocolate. Nothing beats homebaked goods, and really I shouldn't have made these, but I couldn't help it!

That said, when I weighed myself yesterday, I weighed less, so maybe it won't be too detrimental to my programme! I also bought some new clothes yesterday. A pair of "pirate/combat" pants, two tops, and two hats. Very summery clothing. Bought them with both the summer and the Philippines in mind. I'm enjoying having more clothing options, actually, I'm loving it! Okay, sure, the odd item I need to buy in the plus size section just because my arse is really big haha, but otherwise, I am able to find clothes in the regular sized (albeit Large) section of stores. That's a big boost to my self-esteem.

I am feeling a bit demotivated on the training front, but I think that's something I just need to push myself to do.

Also, I am starting to take Folic Acid. Bought some yesterday. Folic acid is something that you take when you are wanting to prepare to become pregnant or if you are already pregnant you take it in your first 12 weeks. NO I'm not pregnant, but research shows that women who have taken folic acid for a year before getting pregnant greatly reduce the baby's risk of developing certain diseases, deformities. We'd like to start trying perhaps after the summer so I'm going to start taking it now...and my friend mentioned that working out my abs and my back are good preparation and to eat healthier. Just as well as I'm already trying to do that...even more reason to go back to the gym right?

So...

I baked cookies today...and had 4. Was that stupid of me? I feel bad for having eaten them...I suppose that means I have to go to the gym for sure tomorrow.

I hate feeling this guilt when I have something naughty...I can't have such an unhealthy relationship with food, that said, I suppose that's what my relationship with food has been like my whole life...unhealthy.

I took pride in being able to resist...but these cookies were just so good :(

YAY!!

So, I weighed myself today. I broke the 80 Kilo barrier and now I'm down to 79.8 Kilo. That's already 1 Kilo less than when I weighed in on Monday. Okay, admittedly, I kinda cheated and weighed myself after I went to the toilet and I wasn't wearing my glasses....but is that really cheating!? XD I have been suffering from headaches the last couple of days. I don't know if it's down to hunger and what not. I have been worrying that I'm not eating enough. Because I'm not so sure about the caloric content of some foods, I find myself erring on the side of caution and decide not to eat it. I need to learn how to better judge how much is in a bit of food etc.

I walked quite a bit yesterday, which was good seeing as I had only gone to the gym twice last week. I am feeling quite good about myself right now. The whole finding a new dress and now going under 80 Kilos (it was a little milestone that my partner set up for me) has encouraged me to continue.

But I need to remind myself that it's also not all about losing weight, it's about becoming healthier. I need to temper the loss of weight with going to the gym and working out. Otherwise it's just water and muscle mass that I lose.

We're at least on track however to reach 75 Kilos by my wedding. That's definitely a good sign!

It feels good!

Today I went clothes shopping. I usually hate clothes shopping. Not because I hate clothes but rather because I would have difficulty either finding clothes my size, or finding attractive clothing.

But today, I went into a regular store and I saw a dress. I fell in love with it. I looked for their largest size, which I reckoned would be too small for me (I daren't shop in regular sized stores normally). But today, it fit! Okay, admittedly, it may be because of the style of the dress. It's an empire waisted dress which was a bit generous in its give. However it felt really good fitting in a dress which I thought I wouldn't...and best of all, I loved it. So, I bought it!

I am going to go to a birthday party in the Philippines in October and I think that it would be perfect for it. I can't express how good it felt knowing that I am finally seeing results, and it makes me feel better about myself and encourages me to continue.

Despite the rain, it was shining today in the Little Girl's world.

PS. I had mayonaise today. I bought a sandwich from the cafeteria because my lunch plans fell through. I'm not glad that they didn't work out, but I am glad that I didn't have to say no to lots of yummy Filipino food. But yeah, I was so hungry that I had to buy something. And so I bought a roast beef sandwich, which had mayonaise. It tasted good. But I did feel bad about it.
But I've since gotten over that haha.

What to cook...

Today for lunch, I had a roast turkey sandwich, with yogurt and alfalfa sprouts in a wholegrain roll. It was pretty tasty. Or...am I just thinking that because I'm used to eating stuff like that...I don't know really.

Update on my weight. I started trying to track my weight weekly, and from last Monday, I lost 1 Kilo. So we're on track at least. I didn't get to go to the gym very much last week, in fact, only twice, as I was house sitting. And...I was going to go to the gym today, had all my stuff and what not, but the rain put me off. Not much of an excuse is it...

I could still probably go to the gym close by if I wanted to later tonight. I may just do that.

I don't know what to cook for food. I want it to be healthy. Often times it's hard to justify good tasting food with healthy food. I just have to learn how to be more creative. I can make some chicken and serve it with Quinoa...question is how do I prepare it?

I have been feeling that my jeans are getting a bit more loose. Maybe I'm imagining it and it's wishful thinking. Well, if it is wishful thinking, at least it does spur me to continue. I can do with a placebo!

Everything in moderation

They say that you must exercise moderation. Don't eat too much, don't sleep too much, don't exercise too much, don't drink too much water...

I should learn how to not bake so much so that I don't eat too much. I love being in the kitchen. I love eating good food, trying out new tastes, experimenting with different recipes...but inevitibly, I must try the stuff to know whether or not it tastes good.

My partner is one of those blessed with the ability to just eat and not gain weight. Damn him! Anyway, what seems to be working at the moment is me cooking or baking, and then him eating larger portions so that I am left with smaller ones. It forces me to eat less. At first I found it difficult, but it is becoming easier.

I try really hard to not eat after 6:00 pm. I believe that this has helped. Now that the weather has gotten nicer, we're also trying to take walks after we've eaten to aid with digestion.

The last month or so I have been averaging at losing about 1-1.5 Kilos a week. At that rate, I should lose about 10 kilos by the wedding. That will bring me to about 70 Kilos, which is 5 Kilos more than my current goal of 75 Kilos for the wedding. Now, I shouldn't think that this gives me a bit of leeway, when I suppose it does. I can't think...ahh...I'm on track,...let's have more ice cream.

That's the thing, I'm not stopping eating those little temptations. I do have ice cream or pie. I just eat a small amount of it, enough to satisfy the craving. Maybe I'm not doing it the right way, but at the moment it's working for me. I believe that I would go crazy otherwise. I'm currently researching Stevia, the natural, low calorie, non-sugar sweetener. If I can bake/cook with that stuff, it'll make things a lot easier from the losing weight/diabetes perspective.

The Little Girl is Trying to Become Even Smaller

So, I'm not THAT little. I am short and maybe slightly chubby...okay, maybe more than slightly chubby. I am overweight. There, I said it. I admit it. It's a condition that many of us are familiar with. I was not born with a fast metabolism, I have a broad build, and I like food.

But as I grow older, I've realized that I can't continue this way. I used to think "bah, I'm still young, I have time to mend my ways." And then KABOOM! I celebrated my 30th birthday last year. Where has all the time gone?

So, I'm trying to lose weight. No, let's rephrase that, I am trying to become healthier. Losing weight will be a byproduct. I want to start having a family soon, and I can't afford to remain the same size. It will only create more problems for myself. I also have a high risk of developing Type 2 diabetes, as my grandmother and now my mother has it.

I love life, I love food and sometimes the two don't reconcile. So, I must make amends. I must make changes in my life.

This blog will help me remain accountable to someone. Anyone. Maybe someone will read it and feel the same way. I have a supportive partner who loves me, and this gives me strength...but I have yet to learn to love myself. I hate not being able to buy clothes in a normal store. I hate looking at myself and thinking that I'm not pretty. Yet, I know that the road to becoming smaller is fraught with obstacles, the largest one being, myself. I need to believe that I can do it and not just give up like I have in the past. I don't want to have a typical yo-yo diet.

It's worked somewhat so far. In the last year and a half I have lost close 20 Kilograms. It's a definite start. I know I can do better. I currently weigh 80 Kilos. (I hate seeing that written down, but I need to face it.) For my height of 1.5 meters, that's obese. I can get away with looking "cute" but it's definitely unhealthy. My goal is to become 75 by my wedding in July. An even bigger goal is to be 65 Kilograms by the time I go on vacation to the Hong Kong and the Philippines by the end of September, and finally, 55 Kilograms by Christmas. Can I do it? Yes. Will I do it? That has yet to be seen. I hope so. I have a bikini to fit into!